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hotwife lifestyle

Avatar Username: alphamegakiz
Date: 15-Jun-2008 23:38:49
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Good Find. Many questions on the forum are from newbie Hotwife couples or guys that want their wives to commit to the lifestyle. There are tons of respondents to the latter and almost nil on the progression of the lifestyle and how couples tend to incorporate the lifestyle over the long-term. Each couple is different and have many different tastes, but we have a circle of friends through a couple of clubs that we have gone to for years so I will try to share with you our experience and relate both similarities and the differences of some of the other seven couples that we know very well. This is long, but I hope it will be helpful to some of you.
My name is not Trish. I am 43 and have been happily married to the same man for twenty years. We have kids, he has the money job, and I am a stay at home mom. We have been in the Hotwife lifestyle for eight years now and I can tell you that it has surpassed all expectations in terms of its fun and value to our relationship.

I will start at the beginning. A few years before I became a Hotwife, my husband was always trying to get me to watch porn with him, but I was always reluctant thinking that porn was just another way for men to degrade women. However, I relented and we started having a porn night once a week and he was excited to expose me to his collection of skin flicks. He started out with some big production types with stories and a lot of one on one sex and then started playing some more hardcore movies for me. Now most women like the ones with a story and some foreplay, but I for one think that none of these people can act worth a damn and it is not as they are doing this for an academy award, so to me the story flicks with those big silicon blonde chickies are not very appealing. When he showed me some of the European hardcore films, they were cheesy and badly dubbed but the woman had natural breasts and some were a little chunky, you know normal. However, the European ones were very hardcore and many of them had a lot of group sex. I am no prude, but the first time I saw two men double penetrating a petite Euro woman I was taken aback. I told my husband that it looked painful, but I had to admit to myself that she looked like she was enjoying it. I asked my husband why he liked movies where two or three guys were doing a woman. He reluctantly told me that he had always fantasized about me doing that with him and another man. That caught me off guard, as it does every woman when she first discovers that her husband’s wants to share her with other men. Out of the other seven couples that we know of, the lifestyle was at the husband’s initiation in every single case.

Back to our story, so there I was watching these two guys getting this woman off on screen with both of their cocks and my husband was telling me that he liked to think of me doing these things. Well, I was part disgusted and part flattered that after all these years, I was still his fantasy girl. I asked him why he thought I would even do anything like that, did he like to think of me as a slut. He told me that he did not think of it as being a slut, but rather just being sexually liberated. He was nervous and worried that I would think he was a total pervert. I told him that I didn’t think he was a pervert and that it took some courage to share such an out of left field idea with me, but there was no way that I could ever be into that. I told him if it got him off he could fantasize about it and that I would even role play with him if that was what he liked, but I couldn’t see myself liking that and that he was more than I could handle as it was. My husband has always been the sexual aggressor in our relationship and he would fuck me for hours every night if I let him. Well I wanted to back away from porn night, but I knew it would hurt him and we were really connecting more and talking about sex more and frankly, it was helping respark our sex life. Therefore, we would watch movies and talk about sex in the coming weeks after my husband first shared his fantasy about me having sex with other men.

Over the course of the next four or five months I found the campy group sex movies were much more fun to watch, because they didn’t try to be anything but what they were, movies where people had kinky sex. During that time, I became more curious about my husband’s fantasy, not to actually do it, but just to understand it. I did some research on the side and found that many sexual researchers say that cuckolds, swingers and gays are all born that way, meaning their brains are hard wired to like it. I started wondering if this fantasy was like that. Well I would ask him questions about why he liked it etc., and everything he told me made it become evident that it was about the voyeurism and eroticism of seeing a woman sexually challenged and satisfied by more than one man at the same time. I asked him at one point if he would actually want me to do something like that for real, quickly adding that I was not going to do it. He said that he would love me to become a Hotwife. Now that was the first time that I heard the term “Hotwife”. I asked him what he meant and he explained the lifestyle to me and how there were wives out their that had sex with other men with their husband watching them and joining in and tons of variations on the lifestyle. This blew me away and again I did some research and found that the swinging population in the US was estimated to be 5 to 20 million people and that their were no real studies about Hotwives’; since then a number of lifestyle magazines have estimated through surveys that there are 1 million to 3 million Hotwife couples in the US. Anyway, I was surprised that he actually wanted me to do it for real. It is one thing to fantasize about it, but quite another to actually do it. He tried to pressure me and I got pissed and we went through a rough two months.

During that summer I was real tanned and in great shape and he could not keep his hands off me. He didn’t mention me becoming a Hotwife all summer, but we continued to role play me doing him and another guy using one of my life-like dildos and I finally let him do anal with me. Now I was always fearful of anal, my husband is about 6 inches and thick, so I thought it would hurt. And it did hurt at first, but we kept at it and the more we did it the more comfortable it became. I even found to my surprise that when he fucked me hard and fast in the ass that it would give me orgasms and over the summer they got more powerful until I looked forward to having him do me that way.

He started asking me to consider being a Hotwife again and I said no and we went through another two-month power struggle. Out of the seven couples we know of five out of the seven had similar experiences where the husband played power games and the other two wives’ had previous group sex experiences so they were predisposed to liking it. Well, I did a lot of soul searching and knew if he was born with a sexual predisposition that he was not going to relent and frankly, I suspected that he could not help himself in a way. I mean who in their right mind would try to fuck up a wonderful marriage and great family life unless they were made that way at birth. So I concluded that either I was going to change and adjust to this new variation in our life or we were heading for divorce; most of the other couples had a similar experience as well.

So I told him that I would do it once and that was it, but I suspected that he would want more. Our kids were 11, 7, and 4 at that time and our home life was a zoo so it was hard to get a lot of alone time together, but our porn night always gave us time to talk and to be sexual with each other. It took us a year to get even close to finding someone appropriate. My husband got on a couple of ad sites and all the guys that responded turned out to be weird as he prescreened them all. Clearly disappointed, he thought maybe we could pick up someone in a bar and a told him that I would flirt in a bar, but no way was I doing someone we just met; that was far to risky. So, he came across a couple of lifestyle clubs in Florida, where we live, and talked me into going to one. This club was an onsite club, meaning people had sex their and their were various private and public rooms where regulars congregated. We both agreed that nothing would happen that night and that we were just there to check it out. My eyes were really opened on that night. First off, there were tons of couples of various ages there, some good looking, some average and some fat and ugly. It was a regular melting pot of white middle aged and young Americans out to put some sexual excitement into their lives. The most comforting things about clubs are that A) No means No B) Everyone is there for no-strings sex C) You definitely will feel sexy there as there are a big enough number of uglies to make you feel like the Bell at the Ball. We met many interesting people and we watched other people have sex for the first time together. I thought that I would be disgusted, but I could not look away. I saw a bit of everything that night. I saw two women going at it, threesomes with two women and a man and threesomes with two men and a woman and a big room where there were thirty or so people having a big orgy and in one room we watched a husband sitting to the side watching his wife moan loudly as she was gang banged by five other guys. That night we found a couple that was into the Hotwife lifestyle and we agreed to meet them there the following week so they could share their experiences.

We almost went into one of the private rooms to fuck, but we both stuck to our original promise and left at midnight and could not strip quickly enough at home and fucked like animals until the early morning.
So, the next week we met the couple at the club and they talked openly with us and we shared with them that we were interested in trying it once. The wife rather laughed at us, she obviously thought our try it once comment was funny. Well, again we watched people have sex and the wife of the couple offered her husband up as a solution to our first other man. He was forty and not unattractive, so we said yes. We set it up for the next week and agreed to do it in a private room in the club. We exchanged numbers and decided to check with each other a few days before. During that week, the police raided the club and everyone was scared off for a while. The local prosecutor was a religious nut and the case went nowhere and the club was back open in a month, but it screwed up our plans. We called the couple and the husband suggested that he come over or we do a motel. Not comfortable to do it in our house we agreed to rent a motel room.

This has been long so I will try to speed it up, but the depths of emotions and mental states I went through during that early time was big. Our first time doing a threesome with another guy at the motel was very nerve racking. I was nervous as hell and my husband was as well, but we were both excited at the same time. I drank a little bit too much, because I was tipsy by the time the other guy got to our room. We had mutually agreed on some boundaries and my husband talked with him about them, mainly safe sex and no rough stuff or calling me a slut, etc. Well I could do a whole story on that event alone, but he was a very good lover and had a cock that was a little bit bigger than my husband’s, but not by much and once they both started kissing me and stripped my clothes off the night was a blur. I remember being fucked by both of them and sucking off one while the other was doing my pussy and even doing my first double penetration. But the one thing that stood out in my mind was that I had never had so many orgasms in one night. My body was on fire and I would have done anything they wanted. The experience just blew me away. After he left, I asked my husband if he was ok and he said that that was the most incredible thing ever, and I had to agree. Out of all the couples we know, almost all had a decent first experience, those that do not tend to not make it part of their lifestyle. After a week, I knew that my husband wanted to do it again, and with many conflicting emotions, I had to admit to myself that I wanted to do it again.
Now I won’t go into all our experiences, which are numerous, but I will try to convey how this lifestyle has played out for us and the other couples and some thoughts I have about the hotwife experience so you ladies new to this can hopefully have a quicker learning curve than those of this that had to learn as we went. First off, as you already know, we did not just do it one time. Five out of the seven couples we know said they started similarly, some doing it again right away and others taking some more persuasion time to get there. For us we started right away. You have to change your mindset to be a Hotwife and to learn to compartmentalize your various roles. I am a great mom, a great friend, good wife, and great lover to my husband. But another role that I now fulfill is that of a Hotwife and you have to learn to make that role nearly as important as your other roles (not as important as mother and wife, but close). To be a good Hotwife you have to start thinking of sex differently. I do not make love to other guys I fuck them. What I mean is that as a Hotwife I have physical sex with other guys it is all about giving and receiving physical pleasure, not about love or emotion. I know that it is an alien thought for most women, but you have to learn to love sex and love getting it a lot. Now the one thing that all the seven Hotwives’ in our group agree upon is that when you embrace “fucking” it is very liberating and gives you a whole new perspective on the wonders of sexual pleasure and your power over men; and frankly, how wonderful it is to know that you get to do other guys guilt free.


We started out with some rules and decided that he would not do other women and that this was all about focusing it on me. Now it sounds somewhat selfish, but I do not know if I could handle him fucking some woman that was better looking than me. It also makes me appreciate how unselfish my husband is as I am the one that gets to have other partners. We agreed that I would only do him and another guy and that we would find someone for me to do regularly, with my husband always there and always participating. We agreed that we would never do it at our house, I would not swallow, and about a million other rules. But once I started doing this regularly, we found more than one guy at the club and by the end of our first year as a Hotwife couple I had three guys that we alternated doing MFMs with. We started out just wanting to do it twice a year, and that quickly became more frequent. In fact, some months we will do it two or three time’s month, usually during the summer. What I am trying to say to you is that you and your husband will have all these rules set up, but once you start doing it and get comfortable (which is the only way you will get comfortable) some of the rules will change by mutual agreement. Some rules will not change though. We always play together and that will never change. We always practice safe sex and we always have to mutually agree upon everything before we do it.

We have done various other things that have been changes to our original rules. Now one of the things that my husband always wanted to do was make a video of me with other guys and I agreed to do it altering the rules again and we used two of the three guys that we played with. Now I can honestly say that I always knew my husband wanted me to do two other guys’ while he watched, but I always felt more comfortable when he was involved himself. But when I started doing those two other guys and could look over and see my husband video taping us knowing that he was enjoying the live show it made me feel really powerful and I got totally wild with them and I remember licking my lips at the camera in a very naughty way while I was being sandwiched by these two hot guys. I was so horny and hot that I told my husband to come over and stick his cock in my mouth while they were double penetrating me. I was so turned on that I asked them all to cum in my mouth and from that point on, I started swallowing every guy that fucked me; that I knew. That experience led us to inviting two regular guys to fuck me at our house while the kids where with my parents and that night I did all three of them and I had so many orgasms that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. For my fortieth birthday my husband wanted to give me my first gangbang; by this time I had four regular guys that I did and a twice a year guy that came into town on business that had the biggest cock by far that I have ever had. Well, I was not too sure about it, but I had slept many times with all the men on his list, so I thought it would be kinky to celebrate my fortieth by doing a room full of guys. Now I will say that out of the seven couples, five out of seven have done a gangbang, but only four out those wives really liked it (main complaint is it gets them too sore). Anyway I did my first gangbang with four guys including my husband and it was close to being more than I can handle, but the one thing that surprised me was how much of a turn on it was to see guys waiting their turn to get a piece of me; which before I thought was kind of creepy. We don’t do gangbangs very frequently, and it never would have happened early on in our Hotwife days, but after I was used to three guys naked in the room doing me, one or two more is no big deal as long as I know them and they all play nice. Point is that I started out with just doing one guy and now when I am in the mood, and I know all the guys, I can get into doing all my lovers at the same time. My husband loves it all, but he especially likes it when I like to do three or four guys, because he says that I act like a porn star when I do that many guys. I might do one gangbang a year and that is about all I need to keep my inner bad girl happy. I even let my husband have sex with one Hotwife couple that we have become good friends with; well let clarify, my husband and her’s did her then the did me, all in the same room.

I guess what I am telling you new Hotwives’ is that as you get more comfortable with the lifestyle, especially in a club setting, you will have a number of unique opportunities to experience new things. As you get comfortable handling more than one man at a time, your husband will invariably want you to try three guys or to do a gangbang. Out of the seven couples all the guys have wanted this, again it must be that Hot husband DNA. I didn’t do a gangbang until I was at it for more than four years, so don’t freak out and think that your husband will want you to do gangbangs all the time. It is my experience as a Hotwife that the wives’ are the ones that get more comfortable with other men and dictate what they will and will not do, so remember that you are in control. All the Hotwives’ that I know of radically have their perspective of sex changed once you start regularly getting it from two cocks at the same time. You will want more sex with your husband and want sex with other guys’ a lot more than you ever thought possible. Before I became a Hotwife I rarely swallowed cum and now I swallow my regular guys all the time and since I swallow my husband most of all, he does not mind. Before I became I Hotwife I rarely did anal, and now I love being fucked in the ass. Before I became a Hotwife I rarely would let my husband video tape us, now I enjoy making movies; and now porn night is watching ourselves fuck like porn stars.

As a woman, we have all kinds of baggage about not wanting to be perceived as a slut, but I think that, as a Hotwife I am sexually liberated, not a slut. You have to change, because your husband will not; not because he would not, but because he cannot. So instead of feeling guilty about the types of sex you are having, think about how lucky you are to live with a man who makes his world about seeing you experience sexual worlds that you never thought existed.

Remember as a Hotwife you have the power. Do not sleep with anyone you do not want too! Nothing can ruin a perfectly good lifestyle like a bad experience. Only sleep with guys that you want too. Remember, not all guy’s are great lovers and many guys you sleep with will be just as nervous as you are, so be nice to them. I have many times been with a new guy and have him cum too early, and him feel really badly about it. Most guys are really intimidated by the performance pressure they feel with other guys in the same room, so when it happens reassure them that its ok and get them stiff again because they will always be better the second time around. Big cocks are better than small, but it has been my experience that the most important thing is how good looking they are and how well they know how to use their cock in bed. I have been with some bigger guys, but only the ones that know how to fuck have really gotten me off. Flirt with them and let them know that you are having a good time. The more fun you have and the more you verbally let them know you are excited the more memorable it will be for them, and more likely that they will want to do it again. Always thank your husband and shower him with affection for letting you do this. I take my husband to dinner once a year and fuck him silly and thank him for introducing me to this lifestyle. Talk dirty with your husband and let him know that you like fucking other guys. Out of the seven couples, we know very well, most of the women thought that just doing it was enough, but all the guys want their wives to remind them that they want other cock and want it a lot. What I do is think about fucking other guys when I work out every morning then tell my husband what I was thinking about over our morning coffee; and I write him little dirty notes with some symbols that only we two understand. Whatever method you use, let him know you are truly a Hotwife and you want cock. To the man, the husbands of are little gang say the biggest turn off is when they feel like a Hotwife is just doing it for them, even though that is usually how it all starts.

Remember you are going to come across some duds. Some guys’ you will fuck and then think, what was I thinking and chalk it up to the fact that this is not perfect. Just keep pressing on it won’t be too long before you start getting better at knowing which type of guys really get you going.

So for those considering being a Hotwife here is what your husband really wants and how this lifestyle usually plays out over the long-term (according to the seven husbands’ in our group and my eight years of experience):
1. They want you to want to fuck other guys as much as they want to see you do it.
2. They want you to talk about wanting to fuck other guys all the time at first then you will find a happy medium.
3. They want you to love anal sex and swallowing him and the guys you have sex with. Anal sex and swallowing cum are acquired tastes; like beer, they are bitter at first after your taste buds change you start actively craving it. I love beer now!
4. They want you to become sexually insatiable and need sex often.
5. They want you to love doing double penetration.
6. They want you to do MFM, then MMFM, then want you to do a gangbang.
7. None of them will be very keen on you doing other women and they definitely will not want to do other guys themselves; that is a different lifestyle.
8. They will want to videotape and take pictures of the action.
9. They want you to get to the point where you like playing more than they do. It gets them off to know that they are with a sexual dynamo.
10. They like to watch, but will want to participate too. I remember when I agreed to do two guys after our video I told him that he could only watch, but he joined in anyway and I was so horny I didn’t care; which is how I realized that there is not really that much difference between doing two guys and doing three guys.
11. They will all want you to dress more provocatively.
12. They will all want you to watch porn with them.
13. They will all get jealous and question whether they want to do it anymore; usually the day after they see you get off on a guy or two guys more than he thinks he gets you off. Be sensitive during this time and reassure him that it is just sex and you live with him and love only him. This usually passes in a day or less as they need this, versus you wanting this.
14. They will all want you to try big cocks. Some will want you to try a black guy; this is usually related to the big cock thing. I have never tried a black guy, but three out of the seven couples have with mixed results. When a guy knows how to use it a big cock can be heaven, but so can any other size; but definitely try it!
15. Some may want you to date on your own. This works for some couples and it is disastrous for others. We are in this as a couple so dating is one thing we will never do, but we know others that do it.
16. They will want you to do a striptease for a group of guys. I did this for my husband and three other guys once and gave them all a lap dance. Some of the wives have not done this though.
17. They want you to know when to act like a Hotwife and when not too. As women, this is usually not a problem as we are the more socially aware of the two species.
18. He cannot change. It is what it is and you either change with him or prepare for rough times. Once I realized this, things got very easy for me.

Remember that as a Hotwife thinks, so she goes. The translation is, that you make this lifestyle fun or not based on how you think about yourself, about sex, and your confidence. One thing that still surprises me is how much I love to have sex now. It is way different than before I started this. All seven wives’ agree that they love to get it as much as they can and once you get pleasured by two or three guys that know how to do it, you won’t be the same. It has been a fun ride for us and I wish you all many years of fun and pleasure. I am not saying that this will be exactly the same for all, but I bet it will be close. There are also tons of variations on the theme so what I say does not go for those into being dominated by a male or female or being bi. I am just talking about equal partners that want to explore multiple male partners for her. I hope this helps some of you.

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