Thank you for your time in writing us this story and all the effort you put into it.
However, I am sorry to say that it is unreadable. It is just a concentrated block of script which is vision burning and impossible to read.
Try spacing the sentences out more, show some white lines, give our eyes a rest and a chance to focus on it.
With practise I am sure you can make your attempts even more enjoyable and please don't be insulted with my comments.
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