I think the woman has to have an interest or desire on her own. Perhaps buried in the back of her mind or repressed due to "social values" or something. I think when the husband or boyfriend suggests bringing other men into the relationship they women who have these feelings then engage in the activity. My wife seemed pretty quiet and shy until I suggested she fuck other men. After trying it once she couldn't get enough of it. That was 40 years ago and she is still at it.
By the same token, I know guys who would like their wives to try it but no matter what, the ladies choose not to. I don't think you can talk someone into it if the basic desire isn't there.
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